


Goodbye Magnus

by The_Jade_Goblin



Series: Matchmaker Lydia [1]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Boss Lydia, Confused Alec, M/M, Malec Angst, Pre-Slash, Understanding Magnus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 15:03:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6157459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Jade_Goblin/pseuds/The_Jade_Goblin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec was getting married. And he has to tell Magnus. </p><p>He didn't think it would be this hard.</p><p>Featuring: Sympathetic!Lydia</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye Magnus

**Author's Note:**

> based on Bad Blood, I wanted a scene where Magnus is told of Alec's engagement without vilifying Lydia, I also wanted to experiment with Alec's feelings at the present time and how Magnus would react to the news and Lydia

Alec stopped him before he left the Institute. He didn’t want to tell him, but he had to know. Magnus and his blatant flirting would have to stop now he was engaged, because Alec wasn’t a complete idiot, he knew Magnus was interested in him, but it couldn’t happen. Not now. He couldn’t understand why someone like Magnus would look at him twice but it didn’t matter now, it had to stop. Maybe it wasn’t that serious, maybe Magnus was flirty with everyone (he wasn’t, Alec knew that, he knew Magnus only acted like that around him) but maybe it was just harmless teasing and meant nothing. That’s what he’d keep telling himself anyway.

“Magnus, I need to talk to you.” Alec swallowed the lump in his throat as he entered the little office Magnus was currently occupying as he readied his full report on the autopsy.

“Alexander, what a pleasant surprise.” The warm smile on Magnus’ face stilled Alec’s heart cold, knowing that it would soon disappear. “What did you need to talk about?”

“Uh…” he couldn’t do this. He didn’t want to upset Magnus. Maybe it wasn’t serious, maybe he wouldn’t care, maybe… “Magnus I… Ireallydon’twanttodothisbutI’mgettingmarriedI’msorry,”

Magnus frowned. “Didn’t quite catch that Alec, mind repeating yourself?”

“I…” Alec whispered the rest of the sentence again, barely able to look at Magnus, hands unconsciously clenching and unclenching in nerves.

He didn’t notice until he felt Magnus’ warm hands on his, and looked up to see the warlock looking at him in concern.

“Alec what’s wrong? You look so distraught.” He said concernedly.

“Magnus…” Alec hated this. “Something’s…happened.”

“What? It’s okay you can tell me, you can tell me anything.” He hated himself for the reassuring tone in Magnus’ voice, as if he could possibly make this any easier by being understanding.

“I’m getting…I’m getting…married.” He forced it out, and found himself unable to look away from Magnus’ eyes as they widened in shock, then glazed over with hurt. He felt Magnus’ let go of him, and take a step back.

“I see.” Magnus murmured, eyes fluttering down to the ground.

“My family,” he said wretchedly, desperate to explain himself. “They’re going to lose control of the Institute, so I proposed to Lydia to keep us in power. She wants to help me help them so she agreed and I…I wanted to tell you because…I’m sorry…Magnus I –“

“Alec.” Magnus’ hurt expression had been replaced by a mask of calm. “You’re doing your duty, that’s what you do, you’re a good son and an amazing leader. It’s alright, you don’t need to explain anything to me. I already knew you might be in this situation soon, Isabelle informed me.”

“I’m sorry Magnus…”

Magnus gave a smile, but even he couldn’t hide the tightness of his lips, the way they stretched over his face painfully and didn’t quite meet his eyes. “You don’t need to apologise to me Alec, it’s okay. You’re a Lightwood, I’ve met many of your family over the years, and if there’s one thing I know about Lightwoods, is that they hold duty and family above everything else. It’s hardly surprising.”

Alec looked down, wringing his hands together. “I didn’t want to hurt you…”

“I’m not hurt.” Alec had the decency to pretend like he didn’t notice the way Magnus’ voice broke. “This is who are you are Alec, I would never expect you to change.”

Behind Alec, Magnus noticed a wisp of blonde hair, hiding behind the door, listening to their conversation. He would ignore their intruder for now, and focus on Alec, who hadn’t noticed the other’s presence.

“You’re hurt, don’t even try to lie to me.” Alec said. “I’m really sorry, you have to know that.”

“Of course I know that,” Magnus shook his head with a sigh. “I’m the one who should apologise. I get attached fairly easy once I start to gain an interest, and that’s not fair of me. I shouldn’t make you feel guilty over this when you’ve done nothing wrong, I shouldn’t have given my…affections, were they were unwanted.”

“It wasn’t…unwanted...” Alec whispered, looking up at Magnus again. “That’s why I’m sorry.”

“Alexander…” Magnus sighed, a fond smile spreading over his face. “Don’t ever be sorry for protecting your family. You’re a Shadowhunter, I’m just a Downworlder. It was a dream anyway, one I foolishly let myself hope for.”

“Magnus you’re not _just_ anything,” Alec said firmly. “Never put just in front of yourself. You’re not a Downworlder you’re the most powerful warlock in New York and one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. _Never_ call yourself _just_ a Downworlder,”

Magnus gave him the most adoring smile Alec had ever seen, and it broke his heart. He didn’t deserve this. He deserved hatred, he deserved anger, not this admiration, this doting warlock, this understanding and kindness.

“Thank you,” Magnus whispered. “The rest of your kind don’t share your views, but thank you. Was there anything else you wanted to tell me?”

“I…” Alec hesitated. He’d said sorry a hundred times, what more could he say? That he didn’t want this? That he was doing it because he had to save his family? Magnus knew that, Magnus understood that. “I wanted you to know…”

“Yes?” Magnus prompted gently.

“I…” Alec felt his words get caught in his throat. He what? Liked Magnus? Liked him more than he should? He wanted to be with Magnus? He wasn’t sure what he wanted. He didn’t know what he felt. What Magnus was to him he wasn’t sure. What Magnus _could_ be to him, he knew very well. Unable to say what he was trying to, he blindly reached out for Magnus’ hands, and the warlock took them gently, and gave him a small, sad smile.

“I understand.” He said. He squeezed his hands to reassure him. “Do you remember what I told you Alec?”

Alec nodded. “You told me to do what’s in my heart,” he said.

“That’s right.”

“You meant you,”

Magnus chuckled. “No.” he replied. “I meant just what I said. Do what’s in your heart. And that’s protecting your family. You love them and you would do anything for them, I’m a stranger to you who notices you a little more than other people, and that’s all I’ll ever be. I want you to be happy Alexander, and protecting your family will do that.” He tilted his head to one side, and lifted one hand from Alec’s grip to rest it upon Alec’s cheek. “I could make you happy, if you wanted me to.” he murmured. “But you don’t need me.”

“I do need you.” Alec automatically whispered, leaning into Magnus’ touch unconsciously. “I…I don’t know why but…”

“I’ll always be here,” Magnus smiled softly. “You know if you need me for anything I’m here to help. Whether you need help with a mission or a spell or healing wounds or if you just need to see me for anything, I will be there. I’m very proud of you Alec, your dedication and your drive are so rare in the world today.”

He dropped his hands, and stepped away from Alec, moving to pick up his report from the table, and turned to hand it to Alec.

“This is the final report from Isabelle and I. The Institute doesn’t need my expertise anymore, so I’ll be going home soon. If you need me…just call me,” Magnus gave him a blinding smile that Alec knew was just for show, no matter how he tried to hide it, and turned away from him.

Alec took the file and stared down at it, watching his hands tremble as they held the report. He felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach. He couldn’t even imagine how Magnus felt.

“You wanted it to be you.” He murmured. “You wanted me to choose you,”

He looked up to see Magnus glancing at him from the corner of his eye, with a tiny smile on his face that spoke of true heartbreak.

“I did.” he admitted. “I won’t lie. But it’s your decision to make Alexander, not mine. I’ve done this before, rejection isn’t new to me.”

“It’s not – Magnus I – I honestly have trouble believing that,” Alec stammered.

Magnus laughed hollowly. “You’d be surprised.”

“I want you to know that…if I didn’t have to…if this wasn’t about my…I’d want to try…that is…” Alec knew he sounded like an idiot, but Magnus only nodded.

“I know. I know Alec.” He said. “But I think it’s best…if you go now. Your fiancée should be able to spend at least _some_ time with you yes? I shouldn’t take it all from her. She’s a lucky woman Alec, I hope she realizes that.”

“I…”

“Please Alec,” Magnus whispered. “Please go now. I need…to be alone.”

Alec left, forcing himself to not to look back. That was much more painful that he thought it would be. It wasn’t just that he’d hurt Magnus so deeply, disappointed him, rejected him, probably made him hate himself even. It was that he was starting to like Magnus. Magnus gave him looks that people usually gave Jace, he said comments that were usually reserved for Izzy, and he understood Alec. He cared. He actually genuinely gave a damn about him. He reminded him of Izzy sometimes. Magnus made him feel special. He made him feel wanted, accepted.

He made him feel _loved_.

Alec shook his head bitterly. It didn’t matter, this was his life now. No going back. No more Downworlders, no more magic. No more Magnus Bane. He wouldn’t call him. Couldn’t.

Goodbye Magnus.

What Alec didn’t see, was Lydia ducking out of his eyeshot as he walked out of the room. He didn’t see her sad frown, her eyes flickering from Alec’s retreating form to Magnus’ lowered head, sympathy stabbing at her heart. She made to enter the room to talk to Magnus, but hesitated. She looked at Alec, who had nearly disappeared down the hallway, and thought of going after him. In the end, she dejectedly made her way back to the main office, her mind reeling and sad. She knew what it was like to have your heart’s desire taken away from you, she didn’t want to do this to Alec, and especially not Magnus. But she understood Alec’s desire to help his family, and she wanted to help him do that. This was the only way. But…

She looked back at Magnus’ office. Maybe she could make it a little easier…

Determinedly, she marched back towards the door. She wouldn’t be responsible for her husband-to-be living in utter misery for the rest of his life.  Whatever they were officially and on paper didn't dictate their private lives, and Magnus needed to know that. Alec needed to know that as well. If he wanted Magnus, then by the Angel he would have Magnus, and she would do anything to let them be together.


End file.
